Some Manly Halloween Thoughts and Books

IT'S ALIVE!!! Necronomicon from Army of Darkness

Ultra Manly Rules for Trick or Treaters:

  1. Give away a manly treats…like motor oil.
  2. No candy for anyone dressed like any character form Twilight.
  3. Remember that scaring kids is an okay exchange for candy….making them wet their costumes is a bonus.
  4. No candy for anyone dressed like Justin Beiber.
  5. Demanding single moms’ phone numbers in exchange for candy is not okay.
  6. Halloween = Scary Movie, Caspar = Way to friendly a ghost for this manly man.
  7. If your costume involves glitter….you have failed.
  8. Dogs do not wear costumes. Ever.*
  9. Creating your costume 15 minutes before heading to the party is your right as a man.
  10. No candy for anyone dressed like Taylor Swift.

* The ONLY exception is: If you have a St. Bernard or Burmese Mountain Dog, you may tie a small keg around his neck and have him wander the party. That would actually be awesome.

Looking for a Good Halloween Read?

You have to work tomorrow and your Blade carrying Edward from Twilight’s head on a stick costume (yes, I had to look up his name) was a hit on Saturday.  But tonight, you are ready to relax and work on scaring the neighbor kids. Looking for a good Halloween read while waiting? Here are some of my favorites:

1. The Cask of Amontillado
Edgar Allan Poe

When you screw a guy over, it might be a good idea not to follow him down into a crypt…no matter how good he claims the wine is.

2. Kiss the Girls
James Patterson

This is the second book in the amazing Alex Cross series, but starting with it is not a bad idea. Outsmarting serial killers is truly ultra-manly.

3. The Haunting of Hill House
Shirley Jackson

Don’t let the modern movie deter you! This is a truly haunting psychological thriller!

4. Scary Stories
Alvin Schwartz

This is a throw back to your elementary school days. The one about the lady with the scarf on her neck affected my ability to interact with scarf-wearing ladies for years.

5. Tell-Tale Heart
Edgar Allan Poe

If you have to murder someone, make sure you bury them off premises. Poe makes the list twice, and in my opinion could be the entire list. It might be best to just go get his entire collection.

6. The Shining
Stephen King

The movie is freaky. The book is even better. There are a lot of Stephen King books that could qualify for this list, even The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon, but I thought I would go for a classic here.

7. The Silence of the Lambs
Thomas Harris

My father was a professional printer for years, and used to listen to books on tape as he ran his press. This was the only book in 20 years that made him scream out loud while he listened.

8. Dracula
Bram Stoker

You probably won’t get through this all tonight, but it is truly the classic of classics in the horror genre. If you become as big a fan as I am, look for The Lost Journal by Dacre Stoker this coming March. It is a look into the life and world of Bram Stoker, and will use passages from a recently discovered journal of the author. Get excited.

9. House
Frank Peretti and Ted Dekker

Is the house evil? Or is it the people within it?

10. Get a collection of works by H. P. Lovecraft
H.P. Lovecraft

This author has a unique style, and a mind for horror. I have read several of his short stories, and feel that purchasing the collection would be more beneficial than going after them one at a time. For the Kindle peeps, there are several collections for $.99 or a few bucks.

About john

After an unfortunate run in with a narwhal forced early retirement from his life as a pirate on the Seven Seas, John turned his attention to his second love, Mountain Watching. He is currently fighting to prove that Mount Huascaran has moved 3 feet to the left in the past year, and that one night he saw it crying. When he is not watching mountains, John can be found practicing for the National Caber Toss competition, having staring contests with jaguars, or helping little old ladies cross busy streets.

Currently Reading:
"River of Doubt" by Candace Miller
"The Buried Giant" by Kazuo Ishiguro
"Station Eleven" by Emily St. John Mandel
"S." by Doug Dorst and J.J. Abrams
"Hamilton" by Ron Chernow
"Storm Front" by Jim Butcher
"Lisrael" by Garth Nix

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