The Absolute WORST Books for Men

Men, have you been seduced by cheap marketing tricks such as “New York Times Bestselling” or the phrase “Everybody’s reading it”?  Have you picked up these strongly recommended books only to discover that reading it is like eating one of those wildly over-rated Jelly Bellies that taste like boogers or vomit?  Have you been tricked into reading a book that falls under the dreaded “chick lit” category?

These aren’t those types of books that could fool.  They’re in-your-face not for you.

None of these books should come highly recommended to you.  If they are, slap the person who’s recommending.  To be fair:  Some of these are more obvious than others.

Also, this started as a 10 book list, but we could let some of these ridiculous books go scot-free.

***Warning: Extreme use of sarcasm***

1.  Water for Elephants
Sara Gruen

Duh. We’ve been over this in our Water for Elephants review.

2.  The Twilight Saga
Stephenie Meyer

Vampires? Werewolves?  Must be as awesome as Blade or Underworld (I,II,III, or soon to be IV) right?  Nope.

3.  Miles To Go
Miley Cyrus

Ahhahahahahahaha!

4. Anything from Nora Roberts
Nora Roberts

One can only assume that Nora Roberts is somewhere cackling at the women who buy her books as she dives into her pile of gold a la Scrooge McDuck.

5. Sex and the City
Candace Bushnell

Obviously not meant for any sort of man.

6.  Anything By Beverly Lewis
Beverly Lewis

Romance novels are one thing.  Amish romance novels are an entirely different matter.  Not in the good way.

7.  Anything by Jane Austen
Jane Austen

Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility, Emma:  I feel like no explanation is needed.

8.  Eat, Pray, Love
Elizabeth Gilbert

Sounds like someone needs a hug.

9.  The Nanny Diaries
Emma McLaughlin and Nicola Kraus

This is on my list.  Right after I make it through the phone book and every other book in the Kindle store.

10.  Little Women
Louisa May Alcott

yawn.

11.  Atonement
Ian McEwan

A little girl gets all jealous over a teenage romance.

12.  The Secret Garden
Frances Hodgson Burnett

Wait, there’s a GARDEN?  I big, cool, SECRET garden?  AWESOME!  (*sarcasm*)

13.  Jane Eyre
Charlotte Bronte

The mother of all chick lit novels, along with Pride and Prejudice.  Thanks, Charlotte and Jane.

14.  Skinny Bitch
Rory Freedman and Kim Barmouin

Mmm Hmm

15.  The Time Traveler’s Wife
Audrey Niffenegger

Time travelers?  Awesome.  Books about their wives?  Not quite as cool.

16. My Sister’s Keeper
Jodi Picoult

You might think that it’s written for the brother in the family.  You’d be so wrong.

17.  The Scarlet Letter
Nathaniel Hawthorne

Sooo slow.  Also, about a woman punished by having to wear a letter.  I can think of about a billion better punishments.

18.  Anything By Nicholas Sparks
Nicholas Sparks

You gotta admit.  This guy’s got some *ahem* guts to write these novels knowing every man on earth will automatically despise him.

19.  Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
John Gray

Hey, let’s all talk about our feelings!  Pass.

20.  Confessions of a Shopaholic
Sophie Kinsella

I assume that Sophie Kinsella is a pen name.  I can’t imagine anyone would actually want this book credited to them…

21.  Bridget Jones’s Diary
Helen Fielding

I don’t have a diary myself, why would I want to read a depressed stranger’s diary???

22.  The Poisonwood Bible
Barbara Kingsolver

I’ve got to be honest, I know nothing about this book.  It just sounds way to girly.

23.  Going Rogue
Sarah Palin

I tried to stay away from political books, but the title is just too ridiculous to skip.  Sorry.

24.  The Devil Wears Prada
Lauren Weisberger

Not that we all don’t love a good story about fashion…

25.  Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
Ann Brashares

This sounds like the single worst premise for a book ever.

26.  Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood
Rebecca Wells

Can chick lit titles get worse?

27.  The Joy Luck Club
Amy Tan

I like clubs (Ultra Manly Book Club), not sure I’d join one titled The Joy Luck Club.  We would all probably be beat up.  Deservedly so.

28.  My Horizontal Life
Chelsea Handler


Is there a worse human being than Chelsea Handler? Other titles include Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang and Are You There Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea. Stay classy, Chelsea.

29.  Anything by Judy Blume
Judy Blume

Don’t get me wrong.  Anyone who writes a whole series based on a character named “Fudge” should rank high on my list.  The problem is that I’m not a 13-year old girl.

30. Chicken Soup for the Woman Golfer’s Soul
Patty Aubrey

Yup, it’s real.

 

What’d we miss?  Any obvious or not so obvious choices out there?

About zach

Staring out across the hazy mountain range on his latest summitting of Mt. Kilimanjaro, Zach saw with a clearness he had not yet seen. "People should tremble at the very sound of my name", he thought. And it was so. "I should master the manly arts of the world, such as barehanded hunting and blacksmithing". And it was so. "People should call me Z$". And it was so.

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